in the morning before i wake up
i make myself dream that i just don't wake up
it's okay to want to die as long as
you don't actually want to die cause that's
just sad
"do something that you enjoy instead"

but i don't even know what i want
all that i know
no one will want me if
i don't even know what i want
they don't wanna know
that i'm trying my best all alone
when that's not much at all

it takes a cup of coffee to cut my nails
it takes a couple of cups of coffee to check my mails
i slept a hole into my bed and now
it takes a day of sleep to get just out
of it
"you are depressed cause you have time for it"

then why don't i have the time to be happy
honestly
i'm busy enough just
trying to get out of bed every morning
seriously
it took four hours and
eight minutes to take out the trash
everything scares me
and everything else i
hate so how could i make any cash
when nobody cares
if i'm doing the best i can
when that's not worth a cent

but it's not hard to find a job if you want to
it's not hard to exercise if you want to
it's not hard to love yourself if you want to
it's not hard to want something i-

i don't know what i want
all that i know
no one will want me if
i don't even know what i want
they don't wanna know
that i'm trying my best
alone but my best is not good enough
anxiety
such an awful excuse
i know but "get up and just shrug it off"
obviously
hasn't worked that well for me
or is a breakdown that hard to see?